If this is karma, I don’t like it.

It’s amazing how your day can start off at 10, and within seconds go all the way down to a 1. If this is karma, I don’t like it. I don’t even think what I did was bad. I wouldn’t even call what I did a thing.

Yesterday, my friend told me he liked me. The same one I’ve been talking about. My reply… “:o what?”. Ugh, I regret it. I should have said “Seriously?” You know, something less harsh, because his reply, which I received very quickly was “I’m just joking”. That broke my heart. But as usual, I acted as if it didn’t bother me, even though it did. I even spoke to my sister about it. She says, if it were true, why would he wait 3 years to say something. Why treat you the way he does. He doesn’t make any effort to be there for you etc. And she has a point, but I’m not listening to her. I don’t want to.

Now here’s another thing. He usually talks to me about other girls, but the entire time we’ve been friends, he’s been single. Except for maybe a week or two when we first started talking. Right now he’s talking to two girls, and he keeps talking to me about the situation, but I don’t want to hear it anymore. Usually I go along with him, give him advice or whatever, but that was because I never thought he was interested. But after yesterday, things are different. Like I’m fed up. So last night I searched on Google (I search for everything on Google) “How to know if a guy is interested“. Basically, make him jealous or ignore him. If h’s bothered, he’s into you. So that was my plan today. Make him curious and see if he’s interested. Every time he writes me, I’m always so quick to answer. So I figured, this time, I’ll do to him what he does to me. He sent me a message, I checked it and I didn’t reply. On Blackberry Messenger, you can see when someone’s opened your message. A little while later, he just sends me the word “Hi” repeatedly, then complained that I checked his message and didn’t reply. I guess he got a little taste of his own medicine and didn’t like it. This is where karma kicks in. He starts talking about the two girls he’s been talking to again. Then said, “I won’t talk about it because I know you don’t want to hear about it”. Which is true, then continues to talk about them and compare them to fruit. I guess I got a taste of my own medicine, because if he was trying to make me jealous, he succeeded. Now I’m just in a foul mood.

I know I should say something, I really should, but I can’t. I don’t want to lose my friend. Other than my sister, he’s all I’ve got. I don’t want to be more alone than I am now. I can’t imagine being worse off than I am now. I wish we could both just get drunk and see what happens. But we’re both very much in control when we drink so nothing would happen…

I have no final words. I’m just not happy. I want what I can’t have. Either he wants me or he doesn’t, but if he goes forward with one of these girls… I mind as well say goodbye now.



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