Social Circles

I’m at work right now, and as much as I enjoy the shifts where I’m working alone, sometimes I’d prefer working wit someone. That way I look less antisocial when everyone is socializing and I’m off by myself somewhere in plane sight for others to see me. It’s quite awkward. Especially since I’ve been seeing these same people for over a year. Some I began talking to, but I can never keep it up. I’ll have phases where I have the confidence to talk to these people, then something shifts and I because I never know what to say, I purposely avoid eye contact to avoid just having to say hi. But something I’ve always wondered, what do these people think of me. Do they even think of me? Do they think I’m stuck up or just really shy? I’m sure some have realized that I’m not a bad person. Like I said, I talk to some, but not all. The ones I do talk to, I would just talk to them in front of everyone else. But sometimes it gets awkward when they come over and join in. I tend to shut down and back away. I could even leave without saying anything.

I blame Aspergers. Do I have it? I still don’t know, so technically I can’t blame it, but I want to blame something. I want to overcome this thing, and I do try sometimes, but other times it’s like I’ve forgotten everything I’ve told myself to do and it’s like I’m back to where I’ve started. My sister thinks I can just stop being a certain way and just be like everyone else, but she doesn’t listen. I may seem like everyone else on the outside but on the inside, my wiring is very different.

I guess that’s all I wanted to say. I’m starting to fall asleep as I type. I didn’t get much sleep last night. Thankfully my shift is nearly dead.

(I didn’t proof read, so I apologize if there are any grammatical errors)


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