Good for now.

I love being alone. I don’t like being around other people. The opportunity arose for me to be out the house for a week, away from my sister, brother and law and my nephew. Just what I needed. Right now, I’m back home with my mom for 2 weeks because my cousin just came out here and I’m going to show her around and keep her company because otherwise, she has no one.

My cousin and I get along pretty well and I was really looking forward to spending time with her. But after 1 day, I was already tired and wanted to go back out to my sisters. I feel like I have less privacy here now because we are sharing a room until I go. As usual, I am the last to go to bed and the last to wake up to get those few moments to myself. She wants to do something nearly everyday which I got tired of very quickly and it’s only been 3 days. But at the same time I feel bad. The last time she came to visit I was working, so I didn’t get to spend much time with her, but, I was happy because I had the ride to and from work to listen to my music and enjoy time to myself. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy her company, but I don’t see me being here another week although I already agreed to it. I guess I’ll just have to suck it up and deal as I usually do.

Money is a very sensitive issue for me right now and this 2 week “vacation” will cost me more than I expected. I partially  blame  my mom and my uncle. But that’s another story. Other than that, I’ve been ok these past few weeks considering how many people I’ve been around. More than usual and very little to no alcohol to help me loosen up. I’m actually proud of myself. But the people I’ve been around are somewhat familiar, so maybe that’s why. I don’t know why, but I’ve been a little dancey today.  I can’t stop moving. Am I actually happy for no particular reason? It’s sad that this feeling is so odd to me, especially considering how semi upset I got at my “friend” last night for no particular reason. I just saw a picture of him happy and it made me upset. It’s like he’s forgotten about me, or maybe because he’s never treated me like a real friend as he does with the people in the picture he posted. Thought about telling him i liked him again, but that feeling quickly went away this morning when I woke up. I am going out saturday night and I want to let him know I’m in town, but at the same time, I don’t feel like he needs to know. Not like he’d show up anyways.

Honestly, there was no real purpose to this entry, I just feel as though I haven’t written in a while and felt the need to share my unexpected happiness.

Anonymous

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