Random Confession/Realization

I’ve always hated reading. I’ve always had difficulty putting words together and understanding them when reading. For many years, I swore off books, not even giving them a try. As I’ve always said to my sister “I’m not good with words“. When I was in High School, I’d skim through chapters of assigned books looking for major details when handing in chapter summaries. I passed, but I can only imagine how well my grades would have been had I actually read what I was given.

Last year (2014), I told myself that I would start reading more. I read Mindy Kaling’s book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns). Real page turner and I heavily enjoyed it. And the past few months, I began reading fanfiction. I used to read fanfiction YEARS ago. In my teenage years. I even wrote one. Well, one an a half. I had no idea what I was doing and I never completed the second one. I have no idea where they are now. Anyhow, I recently realized, maybe the problem I had with books in the past was that I was being forced to read books I had no interest in reading. If I have an interest in something, I will find the patience and reread sentences so that I can enjoy and understand what I’m reading.

If I really think about it. I think a part of me wants to be more into words. I can’t tell you how many blogs I’ve started and abandoned, but I do believe a part of me wants to expand my writing potential. Last year, when I slowly started to read more, I began reading articles and very detailed summary analyses of The Mindy Project (I am very much so obsessed with this show btw. If you haven’t given it a try, I suggest binge watching it. The first season struggled a little, but we’re on the third season now and getting stronger.). As I was saying, while reading these analyses, I noticed people using words I’ve never heard of before, causing me to look them up. I have no idea if these words are apart of the authors’ everyday vocabulary, but I was jealous. Another thing I noticed, other than their exceptional attention to detail in the shows character development and the acting skills, they all read. Books. Some of them even writers of fanfiction. Most of them actually. And I’m jealous. So that’s when I decided. If I want to be like these people. Be on their level (in my mind) and better myself, I’m going to have to start reading more.

So for 2015, I’m going to continue reading fanfiction, and hopefully throw some books in there. I absolutely refuse to read a book on a tablet or a screen. Although I have, I don’t like it. If I really want to take this seriously, I’m going to need a job so I can start buying books. I want to make a list of suggestions, so if anyone wants to reply this with any, go ahead. Only problem, I don’t know what I like. But I’m extremely lonely and enjoy torturing myself with romance.

I already think my writing has improved a little. I still look in the thesaurus for alternate words, but I’m trying. I really didn’t expect this entry to be this long. I was only having a quick realization, but most of the times when my mind is going, I can’t seem to stop. I’ve reread it, edited it, and if there are any typos (because there usually are), I apologize.

Happy New Year and goodnight,
RENn

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