Slightly Discouraged

Ever since I’ve decided to make more of a conscious effort to change my ways and push myself to get a job, I feel less down. Which is a good thing. I’m actually happy with myself that I’m making an effort and it feels good to do something, but I’ve gone on two interviews and nothing. Now I know I should expect a job right away, but during these interviews, although I am giving good answers, I see/feel myself being awkward. I don’t know how to describe it, but I feel like people can tell I’m not like everyone else. Maybe I just look nervous to them, I don’t know. Because I’m not, I don’t go into these interviews nervous, I just feel judged whenever I talk to people. Like I only know how to fake being like everyone to a certain extent, but not completely. (Just now realizing I do not have social anxiety, maybe I really am just an introvert that struggles conversing with other people).

I really don’t think I’m meant to work with other people. I’m applying for jobs that I know I can do, but I’m also limited because I’m not perfectly bilingual. I know I shouldn’t isolate myself more, and to be honest, I’ve been isolating myself less in the past two weeks. Sure I’m still in the house, but just to sit quietly in a room with other people feels a little less awkward, and being around other people while I’m job hunting also pushes me to keep looking and to be less distracted when I’m alone. Sure I still get distracted, I’m only human, but I’m way more focused than when I’m alone in my room.

Like I said, I’m going to keep looking for work, but my next task, is to push myself more into doing some graphic design. Teach myself new techniques and even doing more of what I already know. Next step after that, make an attempt to network. Oh how I hate that, but I need to. I don’t think I ever have, but these little things will help me get more work in graphic design and help me to meet new people.

Staying positive!



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