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As the day progresses, my heart beats faster. I have three interviews this week. Which is really good. The main problem, is that each interview is a group interview.

My first one is today, and as time progresses, my nerves are growing and I’m becoming more anxious. I’m supposed to be researching the company right now but I can’t focus because I’m dreading being in a group setting type of interview. I have done them before and hated it each time. I’m trying my hardest to remain calm and not lose it until after the interview.

One of the only times I was able to speak out loud in a group setting was in college. That was because the teacher I had expected all the students to participate by asking questions and commenting. I wanted to pass, so I participated. So maybe from here on out, I’m just going to focus on getting the job. I don’t even want this job, but I need a job. I’ll try to change my focus and hopefully I’ll get through it. I’m actually mostly worried about my interview on Thursday. It’s an interactive interview. I hate those even more. At least with a regular group interview it’s just a hand full of people. Interactive interviews have way too many people to my liking. The more people who are there, the more eyes that are on me, the less articulate I become, and I’m already inarticulate to begin with.

I’m a bit calmer now. I think I just needed to write something out. It helps me think through my thoughts. When I was telling my sister, all she kept saying was, “It’ll be fun. Pretend it’s for an acting job. You just have to prove how much better you are than everyone else”. I hate performing in front of people. I have social anxiety and I lack confidence. Telling me to pretend it’s an acting job isn’t going to make matters better.

I’m calmer.

ReNn

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