On Instagram, I was tagged in one of those memes where you post 20 random facts about yourself. I normally tend to steer clear from all of these, and considering I have no friends (other than my sister), I have no one to tag (I’m not going to tag acquaintances). My sister, however, insisted that I do it.
Now the advantage about naming 20 random things about yourself, is that you can name anything. I have over 20 years under my belt, so it shouldn’t be that difficult. I think what my original struggle with this task was that I’ve spent so many years putting myself down, and calling myself boring, that I’ve actually been living that way. If someone were to ask me what I do in my spare time, I wouldn’t be able to respond anything interesting. I don’t do much. So when I first started working on it, I was only able to list about 5 things. Pretty disappointing, but after taking a break on it, and coming back to it a few hours later, I was able to finish the list.
Now I know doing something like this isn’t that stressful. I wasn’t stressing about it. I was overthinking it. I am an extremely private person. I’m not sure why, but I have these walls built up and it takes a while for me to let people in. That’s one of the main reasons why I have this blog. It’s no good keeping feelings all bottle up, and because of my lack of openness and my inability to reach out to people (I fear making a mockery of myself), I have no friends. It’s easier for me to talk here because no one knows who I am. I’m anonymous. So my overthinking, when I was writing this list, was that people will now know things about me they never knew. I’m opening myself to other people. When thinking about it like this, I decided to add a few things my sister didn’t even know. (I’m not sure if those last few sentences very articulate, and I apologize if they’re not.)
With all of this being said, after writing and posting this list, I started to think about my life and what I used to do in my spare time, and I noticed, that I have a tendency to teach myself new things when I have a strong enough interest in it. Granted, learning it myself takes more time, it’s something I used to do in my spare time, and vs doing nothing. And now, I think it’s time I start doing things myself again. The one disadvantage to teaching yourself something is that if you don’t have the discipline to keep it up, you end up wasting your time on what could be a useful skill.
On my list, some of the things I started teaching myself: Japanese (although that didn’t last very long), painting in Photoshop (which is very time-consuming because I don’t have a drawing tablet and was painting with my laptop trackpad. Not even a mouse) and HTML. I don’t think I’ll try to learn Japanese again anytime soon, but I find it interesting that I was interested enough in the language to try to teach it to myself. It’s time I go back to painting in Photoshop though. I have a very strong appreciation for art and I would love to be able to create something as breathtaking as some of the art I’ve seen (I’m so amazed by realistic paintings).
Now I think I need to come up with a list of things I can do in my spare time vs wasting it on Tumblr reposting things others have created. I love Tumblr so much (is that a bad thing to say), but it’s such a waste of time. I do want to get back into painting, and now that I’m working, a drawing tablet is at the top of my purchase list. This way and I can continue practicing how to paint and it not be so tedious. I want to continue reading Aspergirls. I mentioned in my last post that I started to skim through it, but it’s hard to really want to sit and read it if I don’t have a hard copy. I don’t like long reads on a screen. Especially small screens, like my phone. I also want to write. Something of the things I didn’t mention in my 20 Things About Me list, for fear of being judged, I read fanfiction, I’ve written fanfiction (years ago, it wasn’t very good, and I have no idea where those stories I wrote are), and I’m thinking about writing a short story before the year is over. I have read some good fanfic these past few months and it’s so inspiring what some of these people have created. When I see something I love, I tend to want to be able to do it myself, and that’s how I end up teaching myself so many random new things.
So now when I find myself doing nothing, wasting time on Tumblr, I need to get into some of the things I just mentioned in the previous paragraph. It’ll be fun, I won’t be as bored, and I won’t struggle as much to come up with something to say about myself. Its time to expand my mind.