Independant

If there’s one thing I’ve always told people, is if I had to, I could take care of myself.

For most of my life, I’ve been living with other people and seeming somewhat dependant on others. Years ago, my mom said that she would stop cooking for me because I had to learn to do it for myself. I said fine. I was never worried though because I knew she wouldn’t stop. Basically if I didn’t cook, she wouldn’t either. So either there’s no food in the house, or she would have to cook. She ended up cooking obviously. In the later years though, she just got lazy and didn’t cook at all and somehow managed to get other people to cook her/us dinner. Kind of weird, considering she was a grown woman, but who cares right? I still didn’t have to cook. Even the times I house sat for my mom, family would either cook for me, or my mom would leave meals for me. I didn’t have to cook.

Fast forward a few years, I am now living with my sisters family and she cooks for her family. If she didn’t want to, my brother in law would. No complaints here. Free food for me.

Fast forward to this past week, I’m left in a house alone with no groceries or food. Family went out of town. I have a job now, so I can afford food. That wasn’t a problem. Over the past few years, I’ve become a little more conscious of the stuff I put in my body. There are certain things I won’t eat now. I won’t eat fast food unless I absolutely have to. I eat fast food probably less then 10 times in a year. Don’t even present me with a frozen dinner unless you made it and put it in the freezer yourself. This week I was left with no choice but to cook. So that’s what I did.

I had the house to myself, a 3 litre bottle of wine and I got to pick my own meals. Honestly, I was in heaven. I didn’t realize how much I needed that time to myself until now. Stuck in a house with toddlers is the noisiest thing ever, and you’re limited on what you can do because they’re always around. I can’t listen to my music, be on my phone or my laptop around them because they want to do it too. I’m not mad at them, they’re kids. I had 100% freedom and I loved it.

If there’s anything this past week has shown me, is that it really is time for me to be on my own. My current job is only part time and it doesn’t pay that much, so I’m going to have to get another job. I’m also going to have to spend more time in my craft to practice and get a job in my field (I feel like I’ve said this 1000 times).

One thing I will always remember. An ex of mine (my only one) once told me that one of the reasons why he liked me was for my independence. Sure I was living at home, but I wasn’t really depending on my mom for anything. I had my own money and I wasn’t even a huge fan of him paying for my dinner (when we went out). If someone were to pay for my stuff now, I would still feel weird about it. For me to ask anyone for financial help with anything, I would have to be really desperate because I just don’t do that. So as screwed up as I am, I’m not that bad.

Long story short, I’m lazy, but if I have to move and do something for myself, I’ll do it and not sit in my own filth and starve. I’m not entirely sure where this entry was heading, so I’m just going to awkwardly end it here.

I can be independent. YAY!!!
ReNn

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