I’m Not Looking For Sympathy, But….

I definitely not looking for sympathy. I don’t want people feeling sorry for me. What I am looking for is some kind of support. From anyone. Just someone to listen. Someone who won’t make smug comments when I start to feel a bit off. And is it so wrong to ask for that from the person I’m closest to?

My sister, I love her dearly, but she has never supported me. And I know she puts up with a lot from me, but don’t tell me that you love me more than I love you. You don’t know that. You don’t know how I’m feeling. When I say that I’m not sure whether I’m mentally or physically tiered (It’s definitely mentally now), respond as a caring person, or don’t respond at all. I think/talk out loud, so when I’m saying this, I’m not actually seeking a response.

I’m an introvert living in a house with 4 other people. Two of them are toddlers. Even if I had a lock on my door it wouldn’t be enough because I know I’m not actually alone. Being in a room isn’t enough for me, because I’m still acting quiet for other people in the house. It bothers me when she tries on my clothes without my permission and leave them lying on my bed vs putting them back where she took them from. It bothers me when my nephews barge into my room and touch everything. It bothers me even more when I come home from work and find my room in a completely different state to what I left it in. I don’t like people touching my things. My sister knows this. But she completely disregards my feelings. I hold all this in, and when I can’t anymore, I tell her, which results in her not caring which just adds to the things I hold back.

She really upset me today, and there’s nothing I can do about it (but suck it up, right?). Talking to her would lead to nothing because she doesn’t actually care. Because the things I care about, the things that bother me are so minute to her problems. According to her.

ReNn

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