Why is it that when you figure out what it is you need/want to do things get in the way?
For the past few days my sister has been in the hospital. Her and her husband have been out the house. Any other day it would be a dream come true for me, but not in this case. I’ve been babysitting for the past three days and tomorrow makes it four. Day one, stressful. My 2-year-old nephew wasn’t bad, but my 11 month old nephew didn’t sleep at all. I don’t think I’m very good at multi tasking either. I want to get things done, but it’s as if I take the task of watching the boys extremely literally. Just because the baby is awake, doesn’t mean he can’t sit in his baby seat while I take care of other things, but I’m incapable of doing that. Then you have the moment when both boys are crying out for something, my mind gets all scrambled because my sister is also asking me to look for things to put in a bag so her husband can take them to her in the hospital. Too much for me to handle.
Yesterday was better because the baby slept all day, but again, I’m watching the children. At this point, I’m no longer stressed and my battery is starting to drain. Let’s say I’m at about 50%. I got more things done yesterday because my brother-in-law came home in the evening to cook, so I didn’t really have to watch the boys and I was able to get things done. Laundry, dishes, etc.
I had about 5 hours of sleep last night. Woke up at 5:45 when my brother-in-law left for the hospital. Today I’ve drained to about 20%. I know my battery is low because I keep feeling like I want to cry. I’ve had enough. People keep asking how I’m doing, and I tell them I’m doing fine because I don’t want to worry anyone. I wanted to work on my resume for the past few days and when I actually had the opportunity to do so, I couldn’t focus. Also, my period is late and I’m showing very few signs of it popping up any day now.
I’m tired of “watching” kids shows on TV and I’m tired of pretending I care when I know don’t. I know they’re just toddler and baby, and I know this may seem selfish, but I need some time to myself. Especially after coming out of a depressing day on Monday. Nothing in particular, I was just depressed. Even now, I could be working on my resume, but I’m not in the right state of mind. Usually music helps me to relax, but not tonight. That’s how I know it’s bad. And even if I were to go to sleep right now; sleeping doesn’t count as me time to refill my battery.
I will say this though, I appreciate my sister a lot more, and I’m going to make an effort to sleep in a little less often and help her out. I’m a night person, so I usually sleep late and wake up late. I do need to help her around more, but at the same time, I really need to get more resume’s out so I can get a job. I’m running low on personal funds (Not from spending, but that another story. Let’s just say I need to learn how to say no and other people need to figure out their life choices so they can stop living from pay cheque to pay cheque. Mercedes is a nice car, but if you’re going to buy two, don’t get them second-hand. They cost an arm and a leg to fix.)
I actually feel a little better. I think I’m at about 45% now. But if I was told I’d have to watch the kids this second, I shoot down to 15%. I might have the energy to work on these resumes, hopefully I’ll get at least one of them done.
Please don’t misinterpret my words. I love my nephews with all my heart.