Why I Comment Anonymously

I’m an introvert who fears rejection. Rejection makes me sad. Rejection makes me feel… rejected. To avoid that feeling, I tend to not write anyone anywhere. Saves me the bad feelings and embarrassment. That’s why I have no friends. But, sometimes, when I’m feeling lonely, I try to reach out to people. Instead of being anonymous, I’m onymous and I send comments to people I’ve never spoken to before. But every time I get this wave of courage, people don’t respond and I revert back to being anonymous. Sort of. I actually fear rejection so much that most of the time I talk myself out of sending comments on anonymous. I’ll type it all out, then say, “What’s the point?” and delete it.

That’s actually what I’m going through right now. Over the past few days, I went comment crazy. I follow these blog closely, and it bothers me that these people are interacting with other bloggers and posting new things, but have yet to reply me. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt, but that doesn’t last long and I still end up upset.

It’s a horrible way to live. I know this because I’m thirty and my only friend is my sister, who’s house I live in, along with her husband and children. Fear is holding me back so much in life and it’s defeating me. At least five times a week, I say “I’m so lonely”. But even if I had friends, I wouldn’t hang out with them all the time. I’m an introvert, but one can only be introverted for so long before they need interaction with other human beings. Co-workers don’t count.



Louis C.K. on Cell Phones

I like Louis C. K. If you actually listen to what he says, he’s usually right about most of what he says. He speaks logic. Here’s a clip of him talking on Conan and again, I agree with him.

Kids these days really are stupid, and it’s annoying. Teens that threaten random people on the internet and what not because they said one bad thing about their favourite celebrity. What happened to having your own opinion. You would think that majority of the people in the world today were all clones from each other, to look and sound the same, and defending these people who don’t even know who they are.

But one of the things Louis C.K. did mention was that we are always on our phones to seek “happiness” when we feel alone or feel like we’re about to be sad. I would agree, especially for my sister. She is a social media whore ( no offence to her), but for as long as I could remember, she was always on my case because I don’t post enough to Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. She even used to take my phone and tweet for me just so people could retweet or like things I said. Now I won’t deny it, when someone does click like or comment on one of my pictures on Instagram I do get a little giddy inside, but then what. It’s not like I’ve created a new friendship or anything. I have no friends, I know this, and it doesn’t bother me half as much as it bothers my sister. I’m not the type of person to start a conversation with a person for no reason, maybe thats why I have no friends. I’ve got nothing to say, so I’m not going to anything. I don’t like small talk. Maybe it’s an Aspie thing. If I do try to avoid my sadness, I usually do it with music.

I’ve noticed that whenever I get into something, if my sister gets into it, suddenly it’s not as fun. Like I don’t like sharing interests with her. I was on instagram before her, and I was enjoying it too, but then she got it, and I find myself obsessing over what I post, when I post it to if how many likes I get, then I come back to reality and think ‘why does it even matter’? If I wan’t to post a photo at 1:00am even though no one will see it, I should post it anyways. But now after an overdose of Instagram, I’ll be over it very soon, thanks to my sister.

As usual, topics all over the place. I can’t just talk about one thing. I don’t even know if I really said what I wanted, but that’s me. I got it off my chest. I’m happy.