I’ve been making such a big deal about this, but it’s really nothing. It’s just a number. I think the reason why I’ve been having such a hard time turning thirty is that I’m not where I see myself at this age. Granted, I never gave it much thought, just thought I’d be in my twenties forever, but that’s not possible. To this day though, I look down to people my age and I actually feel sorry for them. I feel like they’ve given up on everything and can’t have fun anymore. But again, at the same time, a part of me wishes I were where they are.
I haven’t told anyone at work it’s my birthday today. My sister tells me, it’s none of their business anyways. They’re not my friends. Which is true, but how am I supposed to make friends if I keep closing people off. Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t want to tell them. But the “worst” that would happen, is them telling me happy birthday.
I’m honestly torn between living the life I want to live (doing nothing, which isn’t possible) and being an actual grown up, and I feel now more than ever, at the age of thirty, I really need to step it up and grow up. Or at least get a job that doesn’t pay minimum so I can live of my own. I hate my job.